i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
