Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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