I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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