yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
