i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
its liver damage thursday
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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