I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
