he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
