he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
