He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
