I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
