when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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