Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
