I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
