I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize