I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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