I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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