I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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