Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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