I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
FUCK WHALES
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
