just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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