I wanna passion pit in your ass
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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