note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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