i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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