its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
