He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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