So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
