id be glad to
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
