Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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