Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
