Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
