The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
