I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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