Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
