I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
