'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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