John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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