His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
