I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
