I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
