Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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