If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
