i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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