your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
