I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize