Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The Olympian is in my bed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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