I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
