But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
