If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
