a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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