I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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