I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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