Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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