yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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