True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
