no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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