I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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