I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
