dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
