my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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