I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
