Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
