they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
