In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
