I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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