Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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