Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
