The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
