I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
