I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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