You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
