Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
