Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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