Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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