He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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