At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
